First Date vs. Reality

While it would be nice to have a clearly written assessment of a potential new partner at the first date, this is not reality.

 

Imagine a first date. You arrive in a carefully-selected outfit at a casual restaurant to meet your date. Over dinner, you talk about your hobbies, work, and family. Conversation is fun and natural. You split the check. Before you decide to take off, your date reaches across the table and punches you in the face.

What would you do? Call the police, leave quickly, block the phone number? This would be the reaction for most. Unfortunately, most abusive people do not use abusive tactics like calling names, becoming violent, or attempting to control their partner on the first date or even in the first weeks or months of a new relationship.

While it would be nice to have a clearly written assessment of a potential new partner at the first date, this is not reality. People who act abusively to their partners can be charming, kind and caring, and appear to be attentive partners.  Through these positive early interactions, falling in love with an abusive person is definitely a possibility. As a result, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will be physically abused by an intimate partner.  With such large numbers, it is likely that you will care for someone experiencing an abusive relationship.

Society is full of unhelpful questions about this social problem: “Why does she stay?” “How could you love someone who is abusive?” In face of what I have come to know about abusive relationships, I challenge you to ask these questions instead: “Why are so many individuals violent to their partners?” and “How can I help?”

If you know someone who is in love with an abusive partner, ask her how you can help. Give a listening ear. Remind him of his strengths. Work hard not to talk badly about their abusive partner’s character. Point out unhealthy actions in the relationship.  Familiarize yourself with resources in the community that help both survivors and perpetrators of domestic violence.  Brainstorm ways to increase safety.  Never tell her what to do (as her abusive partner is often already doing this).  Respect others’ right to make decisions in their lives. You can make a difference!

Stephanie Smith – Crime Victim Specialist

Subscribe to The Huck House Journal and stay informed.

No spam, notifications only about new products, updates.

Items we need:

Clothing and Personal Items

  • Underwear
  • Sweatpants (Youth M – Adult XXL)
  • Sweatshirts (Youth M – Adult XXL)
  • Shorts (Youth M – Adult XXL)
  • T-shirts (Youth M – Adult XXL)
  • Socks
  • Wallets
  • Earbuds

          Please note that we are unable to accept any used clothing items.

General Supplies

  • Composition notebooks/journals
  • Adult coloring books
  • Colored pencils
  • Art supplies
  • “Smell goods” (i.e. Bath & Body Works)

Toiletries and Hygiene Products

  • Deodorant
  • Shampoo and conditioner*
  • Feminine hygiene products
  • Body soap*
  • Tootbrushes and toothpaste*
  • Brushes and combs
  • Ethnic hair care products

    The * denotes that the item must be in a full size bottle.

Misellaneous Items

  • Baby items
  • Pillows
  • Solid color twin comforters and sheet sets
  • Kitchen utensils, general cleaning and laundry supplies, picture frames
  • Non-perishable food items for youth outreach (crackers, cup of soup, fruit snacks, chips)
  • Gift cards from $5 to $25 for fast food restaurants, grocery stores, gas stations
Skip to content