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From Our House to Yours:
Why Kids Run
Why do
some young people run away? Many teens have
probably thought at some moment or another about
running, but only a statistical few actually do.
What makes the difference, and what would cause a
teen leave the relative safety of home to go out
into the unknown?
We have
talked with teens and their parents about this issue since 1970, and
over the years we have heard many different
responses to these questions. Some teens run to
avoid a consequence, or to engage in forbidden
behavior away from the strictures of home. Some
leave to escape a stressful situation or to bring
attention to a family problem that has gone
unaddressed. Sometimes teens run simply because
they don’t know what else to do. In this article we
explore some of the factors in teens running away,
as well as some insight from teens themselves in our
shelter.
Teen Brains
Running away from home is
a youthful behavior. One reason is that teens think
and act differently than adults. The teenager’s
brain has not stopped growing and changing.
The part of the brain that makes decisions, thinks
about the future and understands consequences hasn’t
fully developed yet. That’s why teens see only
the short-term future. They do not have many tools to deal
with problems, and they have trouble applying what
they have been told, or the experiences of their
friends, to their own situation. When their tools
run out, some teens act impulsively. That can lead
to running.
Teen Emotions
Teens’ emotions are
intense. In times of crisis, teens can be easily
overwhelmed because they have not lived through
enough situations to know their feelings will pass. They
think their problems will last forever, partly
because they don't yet know that everything changes
sooner or later.
Some teens also have a hard time separating their
feelings from reality. They think, “If I feel it,
it must be true” and then act on those emotions.
Teen Lives
Teens face pretty scary
situations. Some of these include pressure to have
sex, to use alcohol or drugs, and a strong need to
meet the expectations of their friends. Every
generation has had to deal with these
things, but teens today face these problems earlier
than their parents did. For some teens, the threats
of gangs or crime where they live is very real.
Even life at home can be scary. If a teen’s home is
violent, unpredictable, chaotic or filled with
sexual or physical threats, the best choice might
seem to be to get out first and think things through
later.
Teen Silence
It can be so very hard for
some teens to explain what is going on with them.
Sometimes, it is hard for parents to hear their teen
in the middle of busy lives, or in the struggle to
manage their own situations. Teens may feel that
what they have to say is too upsetting, too scary
for parents to hear. Sometimes families have become
so used to yelling and constant conflict that it is
hard to hear anything else. At these times, the
action of running away may speak louder than any
words that teen could find. Running might also be
a way to alert teachers, school staff or other
adults outside the home that there is a family
problem.
WHAT TEENS HAVE TO SAY
We talked with
some of the young people staying in the crisis
program and asked them why teens run from home. One
young man, who is seventeen but looks older, shared
some of his story, and what he thinks other teens
feel.
“It’s too much
[being at home], you don’t know what you’re going to
do, you can’t trust nobody. You know why you’re
leaving, but when you get out then you don’t know
what to do. It feels good at first, you have plans
who you’re going to stay with, then you get out and
it starts to not work out and you end up just…out
there.”
A thin young
woman braided her hair and listened to the
conversation. She agreed that running can seem like
a good idea at first.
“You finally
get to control something in your life,” she said.
The young man
continued. “When I was downtown, I didn’t know
where I was and I almost got put in a car.” The
other youths listened to this but did not react
much. The idea of being “put in a car” while on the
run did not seem to surprise them.
“Do teens know
the downside of running, what can happen to them?”
we asked.
“Teens ‘get it’, the
danger, but maybe they don’t get the full gist of it
from the people they talk to, or they don’t think
anything bad will happen to them,” said the girl.
“One girl [I know] lied to her mom [about her plans]
and got into an escort service.”
"It [running] can seem like a good idea, but
sometimes it really isn't", she concluded.
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