|
Consequences should fit you and
your child. It’s true that some consequences just
aren’t options anymore when your child becomes a
teenager. Still, it’s important that teens know that
you care enough to set limits and, on occasion, give
consequences for bad behavior.
You still have a lot of control over your child’s
environment, so use that. Loss of a TV, music, video
game system or special outfits are usually do-able
consequences for parents.
If your child is social and always on the go,
grounding might be an effective consequence.
However, make sure you can follow through on this
one. Having a complaining teen stuck at home can
become more of a punishment for the parent! Extra
chores, written apologies, even fines are penalties
you can impose. Try as much as possible to
“make the punishment fit the crime”. If the rule
that was broken was being out too late with friends,
a logical consequence is losing time with friends
for a while; scrubbing the garage is not.
Remember that natural consequences, like getting cut
from a sports team for bad grades, are really
powerful tools. Some natural consequences are too
high a price to pay, like getting HIV from
unprotected sex. Parents need to step in as much as
possible to protect their teen from that kind of
consequence. Many natural consequences in a teens
life, though, are not as drastic and are good chances
for your teen to learn about their behavior on their
own.
Make sure you stick to a consequence even if your
teen complains. In fact, this reaction tells you
that you picked something meaningful! If you see
your teen make an effort to take responsibility,
make a situation right or change her attitude, it’s
OK to compromise or to end a consequence early.
Whining, sulking or excessive arguing should never
make you change the decision you’ve made.
Anthony Wolf, PhD, points out that the most
effective tool parents have is their approval. Let
your child know his behavior isn’t up to your
expectations. Even though this may seem weak,
remember that, for most of us, wanting to please our
parents is strong and goes all the way back to
babyhood. You are a very important person in your
teen’s life, and your approval is important to him,
even though he may never admit it. Your teen may
complain, ignore you or mutter under his breath, but
your disapproval will register and eventually cause
so much annoyance (discomfort, guilt) that the
behavior will change.
Some problems go beyond a parent’s ability to
handle. Look for patterns of behavior in your teen,
not just one bad decision. If your teen completely
ignores all rules, regularly skips school, is
physically intimidating or violent with you, seems
sad or depressed for more than a few weeks, talks
about suicide, diets excessively, uses drugs or
alcohol or gets involved with crime, get help right
away. We've included some local numbers where you
can find help quickly.
Focus on the behavior, not on your teen.
Remember, teens need
to know their parents will always love them, even if
they don’t always love their behavior!
Places to Get Help
Huckleberry House
1421 Hamlet St.
Columbus Ohio
43201
(614) 294-5553
Franklin County Children’s Services
525 E. Mound St.
Columbus Ohio
(614) 229-7100
Nationwide Children’s Hospital
700 Children's Drive
Columbus Ohio
(614)722-2000 |
